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Vicious as Coitus

by Surrealist gesture

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1.
2.
Le procès 05:15
Sick of it all – mostly myself With everything gone – with everything gone – with everything gone How do I know when I’ve lost? This is what always keeps me awake – the noise of the nothing – the noise of the fake The noise of disease - the noise of mistakes In dreams, in dreams – MY DREAMS HAVE DIED – in time, in time – SO HAVE I Aimed at everything too far away so I stay so ashamed Everyday it’s the same there’s just too much pain So hard to believe with all that you’ve seen, when there’s nothing that’s clean And there’s nothing inside, so there’s nowhere to hide, So there’s no need for pride, so my ego has died… Everything is empty, all of us are dead…am I all broken, is it just in my head? Torn between what I need and what I want…what makes me happy and what gets me off Letting go and giving in, all the things you could have fucking been Too hard to believe in just one damn thing, the whole world’s a disease; a whore on its knees (make me betray everything) A better future some might say, a better future, but not today You would undress with slender, sacred gestures and it would be like a holocaust…
3.
I'm afraid to commit, because I’m not sure what I want I'm afraid to be honest, because I’m a fraud I'm afraid of myself, so I fill up with drugs I won’t figure it out, I’ll just push it away I'll never tell the truth, because I’m too afraid Almost, always, and again Almost, always, and again Almost, always, and again A DEMON NATION RIOTS IN OUR BRAINS A DEMON NATION RIOTS IN OUR BRAINS YOU THINK YOU’RE SMARTER THAN ALL THE PAIN A DEMON NATION RIOTS IN OUR BRAINS THERE IS A HOLE IN THIS APE YOU THINK YOU’RE SMARTER THAN ALL THE PAIN YOU THINK YOU’RE SMARTER THAN ALL THE PAIN I can live - through you I will love - through you I can live - through you I am forced - on you I am forced - on you I am forced - on you I am forced - on you Almost, always, and again etc.
4.
After all the failure I should have learned, Laugh it off, then move on But where are you and who am I? I sit back and think about my great mistake But I won’t give in and I can’t repent There is no god with love for this Long dark night without tears We make it hell so it feels real GET AHOLD OF ME, MAKE ME FEEL AGAIN HELP ME BE SOMEONE I CAN LOVE AGAIN But you can’t do that, 'cause this is all there is to life And no one will miss it 'cause no one cares Invisible monsters, fatal errors I threw away my fears today, I let my ego die I broke up all your altars, I smashed up all your lies Christ walks by, hands out lives Designer dressing compromise Death is religion selling us hell Material gods just buy what you sell I threw away my fears today, I let my ego die I threw away my fears today, I let my ego die I threw away my fears today, I let my ego die
5.
My little lie that’s not complete This isn’t me, this random poetry It all looks and acts like a falling world It all looks and acts just like it should I trick myself to believe - - in some form of purity There’s no such thing, there’s no such thing This is what I am, this is what is killing me but with you in my heart I could forget the world but with you in my heart I could forget the world Now I’ve got this clever new disguise It’s a mask of all the lies I tell myself, I keep inside Its just enough to get me by Suffocate in your eyes collapse on your lips That same old port that’s launched a thousand ships And the only thing that I want this bad is the one fucking thing that I’ve never had So how can I pretend I’m free? How can I not feel a thing? Throwing up the memories Leaving you in tears again And not all of paradise is lost… Not all of paradise is lost… Not all of paradise is lost, etc…
6.
In a dream I pulled all the white strings from your trashy heart - It was cohesive, yet in places, it fell apart I’ve got this blood; I’ve got this human disease Push everyone away then wish they’d stayed Nothing’s right but nothing’s wrong I live through, I carry on… You’ll never be someone who understands Wrap insecurities around your head Ill-bred disgusting fucking rotten disease I’ll never let a piece of you back inside of me Fucking bullshit – fucking world Fucking people – fucking cold Fucking broke my fucking soul I don’t want you anymore
7.
closedown 04:30
Stitching up all my loose ends Time to close it down and pack it in Hiding behind what I’ve left of this heart Eager for the death of my art It does not hurt anymore You mean nothing You mean nothing, you mean nothing Shattered like a ghost Living life on broken glass This filthy liar’s final collapse It does not connect anymore I feel nothing I feel nothing, I feel nothing Remember how it ends, Now begin again The old hell, the real hell Hell opened by the hands of man It does not matter anyway I mean nothing I mean nothing, I mean nothing

credits

released January 1, 2006

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Surrealist gesture Kansas City, Missouri

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